So much has happened these past few weeks. So much and I have no idea of where to start.
I guess I’ll start with two weeks ago, Cameron came to visit me and stay for the past two weeks, having dropped him off at the airport yesterday so that he can go home. We had a lot of fun, but having someone around consistently can be really exhausting. Although, I find everything to be really quiet today. I miss him being around, even though it tired me out a lot to be around people and going to do things a lot, I miss it a lot.
Big news, though, I’m giving up art or rather Illustration as a profession. I’m switching colleges to one that’s near by, so going to school in person… really nervous about it, but I think it’s a positive move to getting fully recovered from my agoraphobia and social anxieties. I’m switching my major to business with an emphasis on fashion. This may be a shock to some people, but my close friends would know I have an eye and a love for all things fashion.
Something that I realized is me wanting to be an artist came from wanting to please my mom. I’ve always wanted her approval and gone after it when I could. I grew up watching her paint with pastels and draw, take classes and such, so naturally I followed in suite and did exactly what she did. She confided in me the day she bought me my drawing tablet that she had always wanted to be an Illustrator, so I decided to be one and she was so happy/supportive of it. Drawing became a chore, a hassle, it was no longer the venting system or fun hobby that I used to have before I knew I was going to be doing it all for money. I dreaded my art classes and I dreaded even sketching, it was awful. So now with my new degree decided and a bright couple months ahead of me, I’m actually really excited. I’m excited, nervous, scared and I can’t stop thinking about it, but I think all of these things are good things. We’ll see.
I’m applying to colleges in the towns over, I’m looking at one that’s only 30 minutes away. This way I could drive home for dinner if I felt like it, but I’d still get my own place. My own place, my OWN home. My own little space, that’s all mine and that I share with my pup Bijou. That’s something that I can’t wait for, I want my own space. I need out of my parents house and I just can’t wait.
Sad news, my grandma might die soon. I know that seems blunt, but I really don’t know how else to say and and I feel bad about it. I feel bad because I feel like I should be more sad, like I should care more, but it’s really hard to. She’s become so mean and vile, so toxic as she turns my family against one another and with how she instigates so much fighting. I know a lot of it can be chalked up to her diseases, but it doesn’t change how I feel. Still, I spent a chunk of my childhood at her house, I’ll be sad when she passes and I will miss how she was when I was younger.
Easter is tomorrow and we’re having the works. Ham, mashed potatoes and all that great stuff. I’m excited because Easter is always happy at my home, my mom loves it and my dad always seem brighter, though my mom did give me my Easter basket a day early. Yes, I’m 20 and she still hides an Easter basket, it’s fun go away… She gave me a Bambi shirt(THAT’S TOTALLY PRECIOUS)and she got me the Frozen movie, plus lots of candy. Gotta love it.
That’s all I can think of to say today, I think I’m going to try to post on this daily, that’s what I was advised to do. So ye.